


this wasn't your fault

by 1m_such_tr8sh_81nt_1



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, I Had To, M/M, angsty Shatt, im sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-19
Updated: 2016-10-19
Packaged: 2018-08-23 10:57:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8325154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1m_such_tr8sh_81nt_1/pseuds/1m_such_tr8sh_81nt_1
Summary: ~warning: angsty shatt ahead~Shiro watched as Sam, his mentor and friend, collapsed into a pool of his own blood, never to see his family or anyone else ever again. he pulled away from Zarkon's grasp and screamed at them. how could they do this? he was innocent! he never-his vision began to cloud and he could feel them taking over his mind. he tried to scream, tried to fight them, but he was lost in a void of his own mind.when he was in control again he found himself standing in a dimly lit square room, Matt Holt shaking in terror before him.





	1. Chapter 1

"You're alone now, Black Paladin." Zarkon hissed, pacing the floor in front of Shiro. "None of your little friends even know where you are. the black lion is now in my control, as it should. and you are completely at my mercy." he grinned wickedly and leaned down to be eye-to-eye with his prisoner. "How does it feel? to be completely helpless like that? to know that with one wave of my hand you'll be dead?"

"Fine then, kill me if you want," Shiro hissed, "But you haven't. which means either you need me for something or you enjoy having me around just so you can toy with me."

"You're smarter than I've given you credit for, I suppose. you'd be correct; I do enjoy toying with you. But for today I've got a little present for you." he beckoned two guards carrying a slumped form between them to come to him.

"S-sam?" Shiro whimpered, causing the form to look up.

"Shiro!" His old crewmate gasped, obviously in pain.

"What did you do to him? Where's Matt?" Shiro demanded, straining against his bonds.

"What did I do to him?" Zarkon chuckled, "I think you should be asking what I Will do to him. as for the other one, you'll figure that out shortly."

"Don't you dare tou-" Shiro began, but the Galra's emperor grabbed his throat, forcing him to silence and watch as the guards kicked his friend to the floor.

"This is my universe!" Zarkon hissed, ignoring Shiro's death glare, "And you're about to discover what happens to people who defy me!" he nodded to the guards who took out their guns and prepared to shoot.

"K-katie and- and Matt," Sam gasped, trembling as he looked into Shiro's scared eyes, "Don't let him get them. Pr-promise me they'll be okay."

Shiro nodded, still unable to speak with a hand clutching his throat.

"Aww, that's sweet," Zarkon growled, "But you might not want to make promises you wont be able to keep." He nodded to the guards again and Shiro watched as Sam, his mentor and friend, collapsed into a pool of his own blood, never to see his family or anyone else ever again. he pulled away from Zarkon's grasp and screamed at them. how could they do this? he was innocent! he never-

his vision began to cloud and he could feel them taking over his mind. he tried to scream, tried to fight them, but he was lost in a void of his own mind.

when he was in control again he found himself standing in a dimly lit square room, Matt Holt shaking in terror before him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro's eyes began to cloud over and he felt himself losing control. "I love you too!" he gasped with his last burst of strength. Matt smiled and held him closer. Shiro shouted for him to run, to get away from him, but he wasn't in control anymore and the words were lost.

His knees buckled under him and he collapsed onto the floor. He wasn't sure what had just happened, but he knew that the fear in Matt's eyes would haunt him for the rest of his life.

"Shiro!" Matt cried, rushing over to see if he was alright. forgetting whatever had just happened to make him scared. "Shiro? Are you alright?"

"N-not really?" He managed to croak out. "Um, what just happened? Are you okay? I didn't-" He faltered as Matt's arms wrapped around him and pulled him closer.

"You're okay! Your eyes were all weird and then you-" He looked up and him with tears brimming in his eyes, "I thought the Galra had taken you over and I'd never- I'm so glad you're okay!" He gushed, burying his face into Shiro's shoulder.

"Matt." Shiro grabbed his shoulders and peeled him off of his chest, "Did. I. Hurt. You?" He demanded.

Matt looked down and gulped nervously before nodding.

Guilt washed over Shiro as he stared at his friend. "Matt, I-"

"It wasn't your fault!" Matt shouted, "I know you're about to try and apologize to me, but don't; That wasn't you and we both know it."

"I- I. . ." Shiro sighed, "Matt, I don't know what they've done to me and I'm scared. I don't know how to reverse it, but I know they can control me whenever they want to. If I try to leave they'll just-"

"No. I'm not leaving you here, who knows what they-"

"Don't you get it?!" Shiro's grip on Matt's shoulders tightened, "Both of us aren't going to get out of here! It's you or me, and there's no way in hell am I ever going to let them have you!"

"And so you expect me to just leave you here!" Matt shouted back, pushing his hands off his shoulders. "Either you figure out how to undo whatever they did to you or we leave together regardless and take our chances, got it? I'm not leaving without you!"

"There's no way I'm winning this argument, am I?" Shiro sighed.

"Absolutely not."

"Great. now what do we-" he began to feel whatever it was coming back, "Gah!"

"Shiro! what's going on? are you alright?"

"Matt, listen, whatever they did to me- I can't hold on much longer. but -ah!- J-just know that I'm sorry. really sorry. for everything, and -Grk!- there's nothing you can do for me now, I can't fight it much longer, and if you don't get out I'll-" He was cut off by Matt's lips pressed against his own.

"I- I love you." Matt mumbled when they finally had to release each other.

Shiro's eyes began to cloud over and he felt himself losing control. "I love you too!" he gasped with his last burst of strength. Matt smiled and held him closer. Shiro shouted for him to run, to get away from him, but he wasn't in control anymore and the words were lost.

\--------------------

Shiro didn't cry much. back at the garrison it was considered a sign of weakness. but the second he saw Matt's lifeless body laid across his lap, blood dripping from his Galran hand, he didn't even bother trying not to. he screamed and cried and tore at his own skin. he took Matt in his arms and let the tears stream down his cheeks.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Matt." He sobbed, cradling his love in his arms. "I couldn't protect you. I'm sorry. I failed you and now I'll never-" his breath caught in his throat and he let out a strangled whimper. "I'll never see you again." he let out a fresh burst of tears and pulled Matt's body closer to his chest.

"I love you, Matt," he whispered, "I always will."

\---after Shiro has escaped---

four of the paladins waited patiently in the hanger for Shiro to return. they'd been there for hours, but they all insisted on staying to wait for him.

it was nearly midnight before they saw the black lion flying towards them. immediately they all perked up and rushed to meet him. several agonizing minutes later, Shiro stumbled out of his lion, a body cradled in his arms.

"Shiro? Who's-" Keith started, but was stopped by a mewling noise from beside him.

"Matt!" Pidge screamed, running to her brother.

"Wait, that's-?" Lance asked, shaking involuntarily.

Keith gasped, "Dear god."

"Is he?" Hunk whispered, watching as his friend burst into a fresh batch of tears.

"Dead." Keith Whimpered, digging his nails into his palms.

"Who did this?" Pidge demanded, clenching her fists, "I swear, even if I have to-"

"Pidge, I- I they were controlling me, I couldn't save him. . ." they stared into each others' eyes until Pidge suddenly realized what Shiro had meant.

"You! how could you?! How dare you just-"

"Pidge! I'm sorry! I was being contro-"

"I don't care if you were being controlled by the Galra! You didn't just let him die; you Killed him! Now I'm never going to see him again and it's all your fault!" she screamed hysterically, watching Shiro crumble for a moment before storming back into the castle.

"Pidge, wait!" Hunk called, running after her.

Lance and Keith hurried to help Shiro who was in a heap on the ground, still clutching Matt to his chest.

"It's all my fault," Shiro sobbed, "I couldn't stop them. I let them use me, and now-" he hung his head and let tears drip down his cheeks again.

"Shiro, it's not your fault." Keith said, squatting down next to him.

"Don't you get it?!" He screamed, "Matt's DEAD and it's MY fault! I. Killed. Matt. Holt."

Keith and Lance skittered back at Shiro's outburst. neither sure what to do or say.

"You loved him, didn't you?" Lanced asked after a moment, his voice quiet and timid.

"Y-yeah," Shiro admitted, "Before he- I- um. . ." he sighed, "He loved me back. he told me that right before I lost control. it took the last bit of energy I had, but I got to tell him as well." He choked up once again, "Maybe if I'd just not-"

"NO." Lance interrupted, "You wouldn't have been able to hold on forever. no matter what you did. Shiro, I'm proud of you." he smiled weakly and patted the black paladin's shoulder. "You were able to escape being imprisoned by the Galra twice! no one else in the entire universe can say that!"

"But Matt-"

"You've saved his life! never forget that. and I may never have met him, but I know that he wouldn't blame you for any of this."

"Yeah. you were ready to walk into the midst of dozens of Galran fleets just to save him!" Keith added, "You've done so much for him. this wasn't your fault, Shiro."

"Pidge sure seems to think it is." Shiro mumbled.

"Pidge is upset. I think you can understand that. She's lost someone important to her and it's easier for her to blame someone she can see. She'll be fine, just. . . try and give her some space for now, alright?"

Shiro nodded and stood up, wobbling slightly. "Al-alright. would you mind coming with me to talk to Allura? I think Matt would've wanted to have his funeral back on Earth. and-" his breath hitched, "And Mrs. Holt should know what happened."

The red and blue paladins nodded somberly and followed him back into the castle.

**Author's Note:**

> some reviews of this fic from various sources:
> 
> "What the fuck!!?! how could you do this to me?! I TRUSTED YOU AND THEN YOU GO AND DO THIS WHY WOULD YOU HURT ME IN THIS WAYYYYY!!!!" -my beta writer, Ruth
> 
> "That's nice honey, but why don't you ever write something useful? I heard of this great writing contest for young writers in our area. . ." (that's about where I zoned out) -my mom
> 
> "you're one fucked up person, ya know that?" -my older brother
> 
> feel free to leave your own in the comments!


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